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I don’t want to throw the soggy paper towel of doom on your holidays but “What happens if the Yellowstone caldera explodes?” Does our homeowner policy cover it? Will it kill the neighbor’s stupid little dog that constantly does his thing on our front lawn? Is there enough time during this Holiday season to stimulate the sluggish economy before this seismic anomaly finally pops?

Before we panic, sell our homes, pack up our worldly possessions, and move to subdivisions in Detroit (cleverly designed to look like Chicago slums) — let’s consider some facts.

Fact 1: Aliens, abandoned here during Ulysses Grant’s administration, looking for a good spot to vacation, stumbled across Yellowstone. Yes, the same ones disguised as sales associates, who have been stocking Christmas stuff earlier and earlier each year. They’re just trying to stay busy until the mother ship returns. (more…)