lifestooserious.com

In the words of the immortal Paris Hilton, “I’m available and I’m cheap.” If all it takes to reach instant fame (as in one of those cardboard cutouts where the star strikes a pose resembling someone who’s had a frontal lobotomy) is for me to eat items from a fast food menu, sign me up. I’ll eat almost anything.

Now, the company that brought us the taco-craving Chihuahua and double-decker tacos claims it can help drop those extra pounds. They’re employing an ad campaign paralleling Subway’s Jared Fogle who lost tons of weight eating rabbit food laced sandwiches.

Enter Christine Dougherty, a 27-year old Home Economics dropout, who ate items from Taco Bell’s lower-calorie “Fresco menu” five to eight times a week, dropping 54 pounds. Dougherty (Who, by the way, is a lot hotter than Subway Jared) has been showing off her new body in TV commercials aimed primarily, from a marketing standpoint, for people with the IQ of a cooked radish. (more…)

The honorable Attorney General Eric H. Holder Jr. recently told House members if Osama bin Laden is found, “…we will be reading Miranda rights to a corpse.” A heart warming legal statement that clearly illustrates the complexity and subtle nuances of the U.S. justice system.

To test your knowledge of our legal system, where does the phrase, “by a jury of your peers” come from?

a. Standard marriage vows, right after the bride says, “…and if I catch you, you’ll be singing soprano without a trial by …”

b. Miranda rights (Chicago’s Southside version) just after, “If you cannot find an attorney, we’ll beat you with this rubber hose.”

c. In the U.S. Constitution between “Four score and seven years ago…” and “With liberty and justice for all.”

d. In the Magna Carta, arguably, the messiest examples of pre-medieval penmanship but giving us “writ of habeas corpus,” a rock group from Miami.

No, silly! Those lines are from the epic movie, “Gone With the Wind” not the U.S. Constitution! It was the Magna Carta, which, I quite honestly thought related to Christopher Columbus or possibly my microwave’s warranty. My point is, with rampant judicial system confusion, almost anyone could end up on a jury — for example, my wife. (more…)