lifestooserious.com

A Muslim Frenchman butcher might be doing it. South African President Zuma is doing it and showering regularly. And a few folks in Rocky Ridge Utah say, “Just do it.” Quite honestly, how can a lifestyle that’s a veritable treasure-trove of headaches, run rampant?

Guys like lots of women around. It’s in their owner’s manual right after “Do not leave unit unattended near open beer container.” Plus, the average human male is recklessly proficient at siring offspring. Take one guy and, say, seven or eight wives — in no time you could form a Pee Wee bowling league.

Women, on the other hand, have more common sense. They know one man is typically more trouble than he’s worth.

Yet, people keep doing it. Here a just a few of the problems polygamy is riddled with: (more…)

Come on, Sandra! Don’t even think about forgiving that two-timing Jesse James creep. And REALLY! What a pathetic apology. Times like these, it’s better to stay mad – trust me.

We’re turning into jellyfish do-gooders — obsessed with forgiveness. It’s undermining the very reason to watch a Western movie — turning us into pardoning wimps. Come on! Remember the self-gratifying feeling of seeking revenge, wanting to see the looser who violated us squirm, crossing the street to avoid someone, or playing a prank involving plastic wrap and a toilet? A festering grudge can give meaning to an otherwise worthless day.

Our legal system will become a crybaby session if we don’t get a handle on this ‘forgiving everyone’ epidemic. You’d get courtroom dramas like:

Prosecutor: Mrs. Feeble, please point to the man who plowed into your SUV because he claims it looked like an alien spacecraft.

Mrs. Feeble (in tears): I can’t. I’ve forgiven him. He’s such a lonely man and, after they used the ‘jaws of life’ to free Harold, you can hardly tell the transmission is now in the passenger’s seat.

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In the second year of the reign of Obama, scratcher of Bo, there went out a decree from the United States Department of Commerce, U.S. Census Bureau, that a tally should be taken of the American empire (excluding parts of New Jersey) for it was written, “Bring forth demographic data to formulate government representation and funding, and update road atlases.” Verily, squandering untold millions, the Bureau beseeched the commoners of the land using snappy fliers and Super Bowl TV commercials saying, “Fear not the moribund economy! For great joy shall come from mailing in your census forms.”

And it came to pass, a multitude of hearty local citizens were blessed with temporary Bureau work. Alas, though many sought the steady income, the Bureau only shined favorably upon those with truly desirable traits including:

- Practicing the “safe sex”

- Buying joyously the durable consumer goods

- Coveting not thy neighbor’s ox or ass

- Honoring thy major steroid-free sports figures, and

- Passing the consecrated FBI security background check. (more…)