Wireless electricity — fact or fiction?
Tired of struggling through power cords behind the TV, trying to nab the cat that just barfed on the kitchen rug? Don’t worry! At the 2010 Consumer Electronics Show the Chinese manufacturer, Haier, showed off a 32-inch TV set running on nothing but wireless energy. Sure, people were sterilized walking by the “receiver.” They shouldn’t have been wearing black underwear.
This groundbreaking development comes as no surprise to those of us racking our brains over the mysteries of electricity. I remember one incident where my Dad catapulted from the top of an aluminum ladder after he turned on his old, entirely metal Skill saw. Such events shape my belief that electrons were left on earth by a superior alien race. Slimy creatures now sitting in recliners on the Mother Ship, watching a kid have his brother hold the mower’s spark plug wire while he pulls the starter rope.
At the atomic level, electricity is the movement of electrons, which are teensy tiny specks invisible to the naked eye unless you’ve been heavily drinking. Electrons move inside a wire like gophers through a hole except gophers will occasionally poop while scientists now believe electrons never relieve themselves. Electricians call a battery, piece of wire, and load a circuit. And this is the best joke they know!
But enough review. What about wireless electrical transmission?
Enter Heinrich Hertz and Nikola Tesla in the late 1800s. Hertz was a German physicist who perfected, what would later be called, the Trump comb over. An American immigrant, Tesla would invite women up to his room to check out his lemon battery (and we think Bill Clinton is twisted).
Hertz figured out how to detect electromagnetic waves. Or so he claims, as the rest of the guys in the bar saw nothing. He said the waves emanated from a wire when electrons ran through it. When he came to, he no longer had a wallet or any shoes.
Tesla took that knowledge and invented a device capable of frying a cat at 300 feet. Ha, ha! Only kidding. Old Tesla lit up an incandescent light bulb without any connecting wires. It took 18,000 kilowatts of power to do it but his girlfriend, promised a night on
the town afterward, was impressed.
You see, the problem hasn’t been transmitting wireless electrical power; it’s been the ability to do it efficiently. Sure, Tesla could shoot the kind of giant electrical bolts it took to fry a small turkey between two copper balls but he wasted tons of electricity. And while electrons don’t have the feelings say, of a ferret, you still shouldn’t waste them like leftover green beans being stuffed down a garbage disposal.
Our Chinese friends at Haier manufacturing (company motto: Free Tibet) came up with a way of getting the electrons to move through space with a high level of efficiency. They are using an induction process whereby electromagnetic waves (like those bombarding your cell phone) induce a current into a receiver (like your transistor radio) powering
up a circuit (like the electricians’ joke) so you can enjoy hours of fine TV programming (like Sarah Palin pathetically impersonating a news analyst).
Obviously, the question is, “Why bother?” Wall outlets work well and who wants to wear white underwear lugging around a 48” HDTV? Well, for one thing, this technology could enable solar cell arrays, launched into space, to beam down tons of clean energy. Another idea, which I’m sure scientist haven’t thought of yet, would be to cauterize the wound
after a circumcision.
Who knows, maybe on a good day, I mean a day where my knee doesn’t pop sitting down to breakfast, we’ll be zapping the neighbor’s dog out the living room window. Right after he squats to perform a feat on the front lawn no electron can match.
January 28th, 2010 at 10:38 am
Now I’m adding Tesla’s biography to my list of books to be read. Keep writing.