Gone today – back tomorrow
Startling news! A study by the Pew Research Center (who coined the phrase, “Put your shoes back on!”), finds nearly 49 million adult children in their 20’s and 30’s flocking back home. This large population afflicted with job losses, lack of employment, or nostalgic feelings to be nagged to “clean up your room” is now being called the ‘Boomerang Generation.’
By definition, a boomerang is a bent wooden projectile that, when thrown properly, returns. Concerned parents are now asking the question, “If a boomerang kid returns, what the heck did I do wrong? Do I need to flick my wrist more?” Noted sociologists, eking out drab lives studying pie charts, look at this question and surmise, “Hey, my desk is on fire!” They’re experts on social behavior so very little surprises them.
When my three sons lived at home, they’d eat everything is sight, accidentally wipe the computer’s hard drive, come in at ridiculous hours, crash cars, and use too many Q-tips. Then, one day, they were gone. I was overcome with this kind of spooky, “I’m sitting in wet underwear” feeling. My wife and I would try to carry on a normal, intelligent conversation across the dining room table:
Wife: Don’t lay your bread on the placemat.
Me: I heard the Nuclear Regulatory Commission is considering power plants for Montana.
Wife: Do you really think that I don’t see you licking the spoon and putting it back in the strawberry jam jar?
Me: I’m getting rather concerned about how oil futures will affect our stock portfolio.
Wife: Somebody missed the toilet again. Was that you?!
Me: I saw the cat in there earlier today. Any more cole slaw?
It was great having the boys at home because, and this happened quite often, I could easily blame them for almost anything. Milk jug left on counter – boys. Microscopic dirt particle on the rug – boys. Plugged toilet – boys. Global economic recession – boys. Life was grand. All the boy-created problems were as drops of rain in the ocean because they made up for it by being perfect scapegoats.
Kids make a great ‘pass-the-buck’ solution as clearly demonstrated in countries where multiple generations commonly live together — for example, New Jersey. But it isn’t all fun and games. Order must be kept or anarchy (a term born out of Little League Baseball) will run rampant. During their first tour of duty at home, boomerangers knew the rules all too well. This often led to a rebellious attitude where uneaten tuna casserole was eventually located under a pile of dirty socks. On second thought, it might have been lasagna, but you get my point.
As boomerangers enter their second tour of duty at home, having experienced the ‘promised land’ of adult freedom, house rules and KP detail once again stalk them. This situation can easily lead to “tough love” where parents have to tell their grown son, “We need to talk to you about something we found in your pant’s pocket.”
I would never attempt enforcing rules on my adult sons. They now offer me advice as if I were a confused alien from the planet Poopoophead. “Dad, don’t order the double cheeseburger. Your belly’s already hanging over you belt!” is the kind of tip they often fling at me.
Hopefully the billions of taxpayer stimulus bucks the Feds are squandering on the economy with return us to prosperous times. Boomerang kids can then find employment and leave home again. After all, everyone yearns for the sweet joy of freedom, escaping the scapegoat’s life…. “No dear. Those aren’t my dirty socks on the dining room table again. Didn’t one of the boys visit last week?”